I've gathered you all here today so I can tell you some things about my life, some things you may not know, because I never told anyone. Let's face it, I'm getting old. If I don't tell you soon, you may never know.
Is this auditorium big enough?
"Grandpa."
"What?"
"You're in the hospital, Grandpa."
"Ok."
Let me tell you about my father. You had to be tough to be in the union then. There's a story: At a meeting my father told this kid that he should shut up, because he didn't know what he was talking about, that he was only there as a favor to his uncle, who was a mobster. They got into a fight, and the kid pulls a knife. It's broken up and my father goes home to wait for him on his stoop. The kid shows up. My father pulls a gun and shoots him.
"OK OK," the kid says backing off, and then my father spent a couple of days hiding from the police on the rooftops.
"Mr. Jacobs?"
That's the doorman.
I told him that I had a plane to catch.
"You're in your bathrobe, Mr. Jacobs." He put me back on the elevator and called Mabel
Now I'm not proud of everything. My father raised me to survive in a tough world, and that's just who I am. But I came a long way.
That gray haired man came to visit me again today.
"It's Joel, your son," he told me, and then he didn't know what else to say.
"You're in the hospital," he said.
I know I'm in the damned hospital. The nurses keep poking and jabbing me in the ass and everywhere else - how could I forget? I would tear their throats out if they would just untie me.
The gray haired guy and this younger red hair that also comes a lot take turns visiting. Gray hair shows me pictures of babies. The woman tells me who else is going to visit today. I don't think they are all one baby. The woman told me I was loyal, and devoted to family. I worked my way up from nothing, she said. She finished, "this is who you are," and I thought, "yeah, but who are you?"
So my father died young. Towards the end, the doctor told him he shouldn't smoke. But I caught him.
"Who gave you that cigarette?"
So I go over to the guy and tell him, "what are you giving him a cigarette for, don't you know it'll kill him?"
"Grandpa!"
"Open you're eyes."
"Move your toes."
"Squeeze my hand."
Pull my finger.
So I quit smoking the day he died, and it was the hardest thing I ever did. I'd stand at the refrigerator and Mabel would say, "what are you looking for?" and I would say, "I have no idea."
Shhhhhh. Listen.
"What does that mean?"
"He always said, 'it's getting dark in Jersey' when it was time to go home."
"Because it gets dark in Jersey first?"
"No, it doesn't. It gets dark later in the west, so if it's getting dark in Jersey, it's already dark in New York."
"So it didn't make sense."
I was dreaming that I woke up with a hard on.
Shhhh.
"I once cut myself on a job, cut my joint almost to the tendon, and when I got back to the shop grandpa said, 'who hurt my Daniel?'"
"I was like, 'no one hurt me, I hurt myself.'"
"Do you think he can hear us when we talk to him?"
"He moves his eyebrow a little."
"I think he hears us."
"But does he understand?"
"No. I doubt it.'
When my brother came today, I recognized him immediately, but I wasn't sure who the little girl was at first. I felt like I was getting my mind back. So we talked for awhile, and then something occurred to me.
"I thought you were dead," I said.
"Do I look dead to you?"
And I laughed like it was 40 years ago.
The little girl laughed too.
"So how's my fella?"
"Talk to him."
"Saul."
"He can hear you, Grandma."
"Yeah?"
"I think so."
"Saul. You didn't give me my paycheck this week. I'm starving."
"Grandma, you want us to leave you alone?"
"No, I'm not embarrassed. This is life."
"We'll let you have some time alone anyway."
I saw our little girl, Mabel. Just like I remember her.
"I don't know if anyone has said this, Grandpa, but its OK if you want to let go. We'll take care of each other. We'll take care of Grandma. Fight for as long as you want, but it's also ok to let go.
"You can do more for us from the other side now. I love you."
"I just want to talk to his regular doctor. Because now that he's lived through the weekend, which the doctor said he wouldn't do, I want to know if that means anything, if anything might have changed."
"Like that he might recover, is that what you're saying?"
"Well… yes."
"Everyone is here. We all came to see you. Seth is here and Abigail, and Arnold, and little Zachary. We all love you."
Me too, kid.
"You were a handsome man, Saul. You're still a handsome man."
"Goodbye Dad."
"I love you, Dad."
I think they've untied me now.
Who's here? Dad? Is that you?
"It's getting dark in Jersey, son."
Oh. Yeah, I know. It's dark in Jersey